Wicked Wednesdays No 23 “"How Do I Ask My Dom For More?”

Welcome to “Wicked Wednesdays” a weekly podcast about my experience as an amateur porn actor and producer. I’ll be sharing my insights into the process of making porn, how we got started and lots of candid talk about sex and and relationships with and emphasis BDSM, Kink and Polyamorous Relationships. Obviously this will not be a kid safe podcast, so discretion is advised.

In this episode I answer a listener’s question about how to ask their Dominant for more intensity in a session, why can't my submissives look me in the eye, how I feel about my gay fans, and what’s my favorite food, all that and more.

https://www.patreon.com/wickedfellow

Show Transcript:

Hello and welcome to Wicked Wednesday's your weekly podcast on sex and sexuality with an emphasis on BDSM kink and Poly relationships I'm your host Wicked Fellow and this week we're going to do a Q&A from our mailbag.

Before we start this week's episode, I'd like to thank our new Patreon subscribers: K, Kavort, Kit, Grace, and Lynn. I thank you guys so much for subscribing and I have some exciting Patreon related announcements at the end of the podcast. If you would like to become a Patreon subscriber head over to our website www.wickedfellow.com where you will find all of our links, show notes, and contact information. 

I hope everybody had a safe and happy Halloween. We did not get any trick-or-treaters, we never seem to, we live on a cul-de-sac and maybe they just don't come down here. The one year that I put out lights and decorated and wore a costume and had candy ready not a single trick-or-treater so since that year i've always bought some candy just in case some random kid shows up but for the most part it's just for us personally I'm happy for the fall weather I am not a creature of warm climates and the summers here can be kind of brutal so now that we're back in hoodie season, I'm actually wearing pants for the podcast for the first time in many months. I usually do the Ron burgundy thing and wear a shirt and nothing below because it gets very hot in here when I record with the lights. It's a small room and this is surprisingly hard work for sitting still and talking to a camera.

Last week we talked about primal style Domination and primal style submission and I had mentioned that I did not get a lot of questions before that episode and you guys have not disappointed and certainly came through with a bunch more questions for this week so I wanted to hit some of those. Some are related to last week's episode and some more general BDSM questions. I'd mentioned in last week's episode that sometimes you want to play more primally and sometimes you don't and you have to read the scene and understand what your partner wants, the first question I got from one of my listeners was

“How do I show my Dominant that I want things to be rougher without telling them I want things to be rougher?” 

In the scene that can be very difficult, you may not be able to (you may have a ball gag in your mouth for example) but also more generally from a subs point of view; they don't want to be controlling the scene, they don't want to feel like they're directing the scene. And from a Dom 's point of view, you don't necessarily want your sub to be controlling the scene and directing the scene. That can be known as “topping from the bottom” where the subservient person is trying to direct the scene and how things go, which can be a bit of a contest of wills. In some Dom sub relationships that's just a part of their play, and that's a welcome part of their play, so it's fine for the sub to say “I want more of this'' and the Dom may comply with that or they may not and that is part of their fun, that's part of the play. Other Dom sub relationships it would be very unwelcome for the sub to give suggestions on how they think things should be, that would be very bad behavior. So it is a very individual thing between a Dom and a sub. In this particular submissive case I get the feeling that it would not be welcome for her, in the scene to say “I want things to be rougher” and her question is; “How do I communicate that to my Dom? How do I let them know that sometimes I really do want things to be rougher?”

Part of that speaks back to my conversation on having time set aside outside of your scenes and if you do live in a 24/7 Dom sub relationship; outside of that. Some people call that “front porch” conversation or “couch” conversation, it's simply setting aside a time when, for a limited duration, you put your Dom/sub rules aside and you can speak to each other peer-to-peer and the sub doesn't have to worry about getting in trouble for things they say or “topping from the bottom”. It's just a place where they can communicate their thoughts and feelings and needs outside of that Dom sub relationship. So if you do have those times, that would be a good time for that conversation. You could say:

“I like what we're doing, sometimes I would like it to be rougher.” or “Sometimes I don't want it to be so rough. How do I communicate that to you? How can I let you know that I either want things to get more intense or how do I let you know that I want things to be less intense?”

That's a very good conversation for a sub to have with their Dominant. For you Dominants, remember that sometimes it can be very difficult for your subs to initiate that kind of conversation. They don't want to be topping from the bottom, they don't want to feel like they're the ones running the show. That can go all the way up to; they don't want to tell you that things are too rough or they don't want to tell you that things aren't rough enough. So as a Dom, if you value that communication from your sub and if it's important to you to fulfill the needs of your sub, you may have to initiate that conversation. It can be as simple as saying “Is this too rough, or do you want more?” That can be incorporated into the play, that can be done outside of the play. That can be done during aftercare, once your sub has come up out of subspace and things are quiet and calm, that's an excellent time to talk about the session. You can say 

“Hey you weren't being very responsive, is there something going on? Do you need more intensity?” 

The ways of playing are so complex and vast that I can't give a recipe for every situation, for me communication is an excellent way to solve almost any problem in these relationships. As a Dom, I do talk to my subs frequently; 

What do they need?

What is working for them? 

What is not working for them?

I want to make sure they feel comfortable telling me. For us it's very simple, they can tell me they want something, it may not happen, but I do encourage that communication. Ultimately I make the decisions whether that's more intense or less intense because that's the relationship I have with my submissives. Depending on your relationship it may be very different. You may have a very easy open communication with your Dom and you can simply say 

“I liked what we did but I want things to be more intense, I'd like to try to push my limits and see how far I can go.”

For myself as a Dom, I would welcome that kind of communication. If you feel like your Dominant would not welcome that kind of feedback, or would feel like you're topping from the bottom or would not be open to you expressing your wants and needs that's something that you're going to have to approach more delicately and perhaps find a way to open those lines of communication. Because as a sub, if you're not getting fulfilled, if things are always too rough or they're always too gentle, or it's just not working right, your enjoyment in the scenes, your enjoyment in the relationship, is going to diminish and that's going to come through to your  Dom. Eventually, even if they're especially obtuse, they're going to figure out that something's wrong, that you're just not enjoying it as much. Maybe you don't schedule as many scenes, maybe you don't follow up as quickly, maybe you're not as eager to show up to a scene, maybe your enthusiasm for the scenes isn't there anymore, and they eventually will pick up on that.

Since we want to have fun and since we want this to be fun for everybody involved, you do have to overcome those hurdles of communication, and I know that it can be very difficult as a sub to approach your Dominants sometimes and say “I like this... but” and that “but” can be difficult, it can be it can make you feel like you're not being a “good submissive” it can make you feel like you're being disobedient or trying to top from the bottom, and I don't feel that it is.

 It certainly can be in some scenes, if it feels like the sub is trying to wrest control from the Dom and they want to direct the scene and they want to say “now we're going to do this” and “now I want this” and “now I want this to happen” it can very quickly teeter-totter over into “topping from the bottom” but having a conversation outside of the scene and saying:

“This is really exciting and I like what we're doing but can we play rougher? I think I'm ready for more, I'd like to try to push my limits.”

I feel like that should be a welcome conversation in almost any style of D/s submission, even a very strict Master/slave style submission, there should be times when you can speak openly and talk to your Dom about your feelings; because the alternative in those situations is a sub becoming dissatisfied and eventually losing enthusiasm for the relationship and then wanting to leave the relationship. So no matter how strict the Dom is, I feel like Doms want it to be a healthy fulfilling relationship for both parties and they do want their sub to enjoy it, they do want their sub to be enthusiastic about their relationship, and the only way that can happen is if both parties are having their needs met. 

From the Dom side, depending on how you play, sometimes you do test limits gradually. I certainly do, I always, I'm very incremental in how I step up stimulation or the roughness of play etc, and I want to feel my way, I don't want to give someone too much too soon because for me there's always time. There's always time to scale things up, it's very easy to add on power. It can be difficult if you've gone too far and now your sub is very gun shy and very afraid and very fearful because things got too intense too quickly, so for me I do I ramp things up slowly. I increase stimulation incrementally. I've certainly played with subs that were anxious for more, they wanted to do more, they wanted to try more, they wanted to test their limits and they were beginning to become impatient with my more stately, steady pace. I have no problem with them communicating that to me, I have no problem with them saying 

“I like that but I want more, more, more.” 

I will still progress at the pace that I think is right because I'm the Dominant, but it is good for me to know that, yeah they're having fun they're enjoying this they want more, for me that's better than them coming to me and saying 

Hey things got too intense last time can we tone it down?”

My philosophy on being a Dom means that I really misread the situation; because I won't give somebody more than I think they can take. So yeah, I'd much rather have them saying “I want more, this is exciting, I want to try harder.” That's good for me, I don't want them to be saying “Hey can we back off that was too much.” That's just my personal Dom philosophy on this.

So for the listener, yeah I would say that in scene they don't want to be saying “Hey can this be harder.” I totally understand that. Is there a way they can show their Dom some kind of sign that this is fine and I'd like some more? Your response to the stimulation you're getting can be very encouraging. If you seem enthusiastic about being flogged for example, that can encourage your Dom to do more of that. If you make it clear through your reaction to that that you're enjoying it, that can be one way of signaling to your Dom that ‘this is good I want more of this’ 

Now of course this is BDSM and sometimes things can be, you know, the “upside down world” where someone saying “No, stop, don't!” is enthusiastic consent. That's what they want to feel, that's what they want to be saying, so obviously that's something that needs to be figured out between the two of you. That should be gone over in the safe word discussions so you can say 

“I like to say these things these things turn me on and I like feeling like I'm out of control and I want to be able to say ‘Stop, No, I can't” 

All those words that would normally, in a regular relationship, mean that something is wrong; in a BDSM relationship that can mean that “Things are going perfectly fine and this is what I want, and I want more of that because; if I want to stop, I have a special word and my special word is “pomegranate” so if I don't say that keep going.”

That's something that has to be between the Dom and the sub. For some people that won't necessarily work based on their relationship and so I do think that in that situation I feel like you have to talk to your Dom outside of the scene and ask them 

“Hey I like what we did, I'd like it to be more intense, is there any way I can signal to you that I want more?” 
You know it can be tapping your foot or a particular word that you use some sort of communication.  Just them knowing that you want things to be more intense, sometimes that might give them license to push you harder. I would see it as a sign of a good Dom that they're not pushing you too hard and that they are respecting what they feel like are your limits. As a sub you may need to allow them to push you farther, and they may need you to tell them “I would like to go further” So like a lot of the things I talk about, having that open communication, I think that's the best way. If that doesn't answer your question, the individual that wrote to me, give me some more information on the particulars of your situation. If it's not possible for you to openly communicate that to your Dom, maybe I can give you some better advice, but for most of you I would say that communication is the very best way.

A follow-up to that question is:

What are my limits? I feel like I've been getting more and more intense as I've gotten into the BDSM scene and I don't know if I understand my own limits. How do I find them?”

 That's not a bad problem to have, because if you're doing this and you're enjoying it, and you want more of it, you want a more extreme sensation, you can almost always achieve that. I think your limit is when you're not having fun anymore. Of course fun in our sense can be very strange, you know like I said, it can be the “upside down world” where someone being in an intense amount of pain and distress and being overwhelmed with sensation; that may be something that they genuinely enjoy and that is thrilling to them and fulfilling to them. 

So what for most people may be a terrible experience, for the person that enjoys that type of stimulation, that may be something they've been looking forward to all week. They just could not wait to get that white-out over-stimulation that comes from very intense BDSM play. I think your limit would be where you're not having fun anymore, where you don't look forward to that, where you don't want to go to that level again. Perhaps you were being flogged and you were really into it, and you're enjoying it. But then it reached a tipping point where it stopped being fun and it just started being painful and something you didn't want to continue, and you wanted it to stop, and you did not want to go any further. That would be a limit.

The thing is, that may vary day-to-day and scene-to-scene, which is why it's very important for Doms to be in the moment and paying very close attention to their sub, because last week they may have been just fine with a heavy spanking, a leather belt spanking and they were really into it and you could tell that they were into it and they were enjoying it and afterwards they said:

 “yeah that was amazing I really, really liked that!” 

 This week they may not be in the right headspace for that, you may start, spanking them with a belt and they immediately say “Hey stop, I don't want to do any more.” And that can leave you kind of reeling as a Dom, as “what's going on? What did I do wrong? I wasn't hitting you any harder than I was last week... you know, explain please.” As always with my advice a lot of it comes down to communication. That can be; last week you had a really good week and you were excited and in a good mood and you couldn't wait for your session. This week you had a very hard week and you were down emotionally and things weren't going well for you and while you're looking forward to your session, you really just kind of want to sit on your Dom's lap and be held and talk to them about your week. That's the dynamics of a BDSM or D/s relationship.

 You do need to be able to communicate that to your Dom. “This week I don't want things to be hard, I don't think I can do it emotionally or physically, I'm not up for it.” That's a very important thing to communicate to your Dom. Some Doms will be able to look at you and just know. I feel like with my subs I can tell very clearly if they're ready for something hard and heavy or if they need soft, gentle, caring Domination. But I've made it very clear to my subs that if I'm being rough and they needed to be gentle, I want them to tell me, I command them to tell me, because it's not fun for me if I'm on one level and my sub is on another level. I want to be right at the same place; if they want hard, I want to go hard, if they want soft I want it to be soft, and that's very important for me as a Dominant.

Your particular Dom/sub relationship will vary based on who you're interacting with, but I think as far as limits go, communicating how you feel communicating what you're up for, using those safe words, understanding that safe word is not a bad thing, it should never be seen as a negative, it should never be something you get in trouble for. There can be all kinds of reasons to use a safe word, none of them are bad. Safe words are a very good and healthy, important part of our play and I know that some subs feel bad about using them like somehow they're spoiling the scene by using their safe word. For my submissives and my play, that's not true. I absolutely want them to feel comfortable using their safe word, so when you're testing your limits if you don't know where your limits are, that's exciting and with a good Dominant you can explore those limits and you can communicate to them; 

“I want to try this, this seems really exciting to me, we did this last week can we go further?”

  That's on the communication side and if you do find your limit, understand that that may be your limit right now, that may be your limit for this session. Next session you may be able to do more or less. 

If you're a runner or any kind of athlete, you know that week-to-week day-to-day your performance can really vary and sometimes you go out for a run and you just feel like you can go and go and go, and the next week it's a struggle to get past the first mile. The same is very true of BDSM. it's going to depend on how you feel that day, that session, if you're in the right head space you may be able to take a lot more stimulation than you normally would; in the wrong headspace you may not be able to stand any kind of rough play or any kind of rough stimulation. So understand that about yourself, be aware of how you're feeling what you're bringing into the session that may influence dramatically what your limit is for that session.

 But yeah, if you've been playing for a while and you've been exploring your kinks and you feel like you're getting more intense and more extreme; as long as no one's getting hurt beyond what they want to be, as long as you're not coming away incapacitated and unable to go about your daily routine because of a very severe flogging for example, that is more than you can deal with outside of the scene, you haven't reached your limits yet and you can keep exploring. That's an exciting place to be as both a Dom and a sub.

Another listener asked:

 “Why aren't your subs allowed to look you in the eye, and is that all the time or only in session?” Also are a session and a scene different?”

 Session and scene are synonymous, I might say “last night we were in session” or I might say “last night we had a scene” it means the exact same thing the only confusing part of that is sometimes I say in the “BDSM scene” meaning the overarching community of BDSM and kink but hopefully just in daily conversation that shouldn't be too confusing.

For me in my style of Domination, unless I have an extraordinarily strict 24/7 relationship with my subs, outside of a scene, outside of a session, it's fine for them to look me in the eye. In scene they may not at any time unless I absolutely command them to. That goes back to, it's a very mammalian, base level thing, that to look another creature straight in the eye can be a challenge, that can be a sign of dominance, that can be a sign of insolence in a sub for example. Like a lot of the things that I do, and we're going to get into some more details later, that's a particular rule that I have that they have to be conscious of and they have to keep in mind at all times when we're in a scene. That helps keep them centered and focused on what we're doing. There's a lot to be said in how your body language and how your posture for example affects your feelings and your mood. If you sag your head, you know put your head down in that posture of defeat, you will feel that way. If you put your head back, and you put your chest out, and you look up, that confident feeling, you can feel confident. That is basic human psychology, this is very true and you can experiment and see this in yourself. I have a very particular posture that I want in my subs which is their chin up but their eyes down, and that is balancing that line between taking pride and being my sub, taking pride in our relationship, taking pride in their accomplishments as my sub, but deferring to me as their Dominant and not looking me in the eye and keeping their eyes down as a sign of humility and submission. I've found that when they practice that pose and that attitude, they feel that way inside. It is an outward sign of their submission but it also helps them maintain the right attitude and posture during a scene. 

The listener also went on to ask:

”How would I know if I was supposed to do this or not, or if I was doing the wrong thing?”

That always comes down to themselves and their Dominant. My style of domination, I want a very clear set of rules for my submissives. I don't want them wondering day-to-day if they're doing the right thing. I don't want them wondering “Am I breaking a rule?” I like to have my rules very clear-cut. I give them one at a time and I'm very clear about what I expect in their behavior. So if I don't want them to look me in the eye, I will tell them exactly when they can, when they can't, when it's acceptable. In the beginning, when it's clear that they don't fully have mastery over that rule, the consequences for breaking that rule are very light. I might say “Remember, don't look me in the eyes.” and they'll get that warning until I feel they've had enough time to master that rule, and then further infractions I step up the punishment that would be involved. 

Again this is my personal style and how I do D/s, but I want it to feel fair to them. That's kind of important to me, that I will ask them “Is this a rule you feel like you've mastered?” and if their answer is “Yes, I just forgot.” That may be one sort of punishment, if their answer is “No I don't, I feel like I still don't understand when it's okay and when it's not and I have confusion about this.” That lets me know, okay we need to go into this more, we need to talk about this more. 

Because I do have some very hard and fast rules that I do not allow to be broken, but I never hold a sub responsible for those rules until we've literally had the conversation:

 “Are you ready for this to be one of your rules? You know from this day forward this is gonna be a hard and fast rule and breaking this rule, there'll be very severe consequences, are you ready for that responsibility?”

 That's my style, so for me there's no question of “Do my subs know when to do it or not?” We make sure that before they're held responsible for breaking a rule that they have mastered the rule and they know what to do in your particular situation. That's going to be between you and your Dom, and like I've said before, I know some Doms have a style where they have a whole long list of rules that the sub is not aware of, so the sub is always on edge and the sub is always unsure of whether they're breaking a rule or not. For some people that works, for some people they like that feeling of danger, they like that anxious feeling they get from not knowing if they're breaking a rule or not. If that works for the Dom and submissive, I have no problem with that. It's not my style and so for my style, I want it very clear, clean, cut and dry.

 Another question along those lines was:

 “What does arranging a table setting have to do with being a submissive?”

 And the answer is: Nothing, and neither does folding the laundry or any of the other tasks that I routinely assign my subs, but here's the difference. I don't do these things as busy work and I don't do them as because I don't feel like doing laundry so I'll have my sub do it. When I assign tasks like folding laundry I make it a scene, I make it an event, I make it something that is far beyond and elevated above just making a table setting, or folding the laundry, or loading a dishwasher. I use all kinds of very simple, normal, day-to-day tasks and I elevate them to the point where at that moment; loading this dishwasher is the most important thing in the world.

I'm going to give my subs extraordinarily precise instructions, and it has nothing to do with what they're doing, it has to do with them following my very exacting commands and not only putting each fork in the fork holder in just the right way, but I may go further than that and make them do it in a way that is pleasing and graceful. I may make them do it extremely slowly, I may make them do it very quickly and under pressure. It's all about me commanding them, and standing right there with them and causing their action. That can be a very heightened feeling for a submissive, to have their Dom there and have them be completely controlled.

 “Place your left foot one inch further forward, now pick up the fork, slowly, hold it level, now turn it on its side…” 

All that can seem, if you're not in the scene, it can seem ridiculous and silly I know, but in the scene when your sub is laser focused on what they're doing, that can actually allow them to go into a subspace, a form of subspace, where they're not thinking about anything else in the world. They don't have bills due, they don't have a sick grandparent, they are focused on that fork and my voice. I may have them be blindfolded where I have to guide them through every motion because they cannot see what they're doing. and that can be a very intimate form of BDSM play where I'm standing just behind them and I have a crop and any mis-movement any unpleasing thing might bring some very intense stimulation.

 So there's this balance of being cool, calm, and relaxed and extremely attentive. I have a lot of little games like this I play with my subs little tasks that I give them. There's one game that I like to play where I will direct their body movements with a crop. So they'll be blindfolded, standing there and they have to respond to crop commands. That may be; I place my crop under their hand and lift up gently and they have to raise their hand and the moment I stop lifting them up they have to stop, they cannot continue past that. Again I understand all these things may seem a bit strange and weird and “why would you do that?” This is how we play and in the moment these little things can seem incredibly intense and incredibly stimulating for both the Dom and the sub.

So what does setting a table have to do with being a submissive? Nothing in particular. Doing it under the direction of a Dominant is bread and butter BDSM.

 Another question was:

“How does the sub know they are in session?”

 I touched on that briefly before but I also know that some people that do play 24/7, the line between when they're in a formal session and when they're just going about their daily business can be kind of blurry so that would have to be up to them. Their Dom may have a particular way of letting the sub know “Okay now we're in session.” Like, things have just gotten more serious. For my subs, for example Katja and I do have a 24/7 D/s relationship, but we definitely have levels to our play. If we're at the grocery store together, you wouldn't know that we are in a 24/7 D/s relationship.There's nothing visible or apparent in our actions that would lead you to think “Okay this person has complete control over this other person.” and we do that on purpose, that's our choice. So if we're at the grocery store I might say to Katja: 

“Would you mind going and getting some milk?”

 For someone on the outside, it's a perfectly polite, gentlemanly way of asking that question. What Katja hears is:

“Go get the milk.” 

 She understands that that is not a question or a request, it's a command.So that's the understanding between katya and I. For another submissive, say for someone that I was not in a full-time 24/7 relationship with, at the grocery store I would not command them or expect them to obey because if we're at the grocery store together (outside of a scene) it's understood that we are peers and I don't have the right to command them and they don't have the responsibility to listen to me. I've had relationships like that; very good, healthy, productive relationships where on certain days we had a very strict BDSM relationship, but for the rest of the time we were together it was just a normal peer-to-peer couple's relationship. It's incumbent on the Dom and the sub in those relationships to play their role appropriately and if you're a Dom in those situations you don't get to just become a Dom whenever you feel like it and command your partner around, unless that's the relationship you have. In the relationships that I've been in like that, I do respect that line very clearly and outside of play I am not the boss and I am not in control. Inside play I am very much the boss. So that's my style, that's the way I play. Katja and I do play 24/7 but we have varying levels. So how would she know she's in session? For her it's very clear, in that I will say “We're going to have a session.” or “On friday we're going to have a session.” We've been doing this together long enough that I can also let her know that we are having a session simply by the tone of my voice.

 Okay, moving away from all those the question is:

“What is your favorite food?”

(When you send in a question for the show it does not have to necessarily pertain to the last episode I did or an episode coming up you can ask me anything you want, I always have the power to not answer that question, but I do welcome them. I want to know what you guys are thinking about and I am interested in your questions.) 

So what is my favorite food? Just like I don't have a favorite song, I don't have a favorite food. I will get very much into something and I tend to be kind of obsessive, and if I find a recipe that I really like I tend to make it to death and then get tired of it and put it aside for a while and then maybe return to it later. I remember when I really got into Indian cooking and I started really making some really good curries and I was exploring that and learning new recipes and I found a coconut chicken recipe that was just fantastic. I loved that recipe. During that week if you would ask me what my favorite food is it would have been that coconut curry. Right now it is not that coconut curry. I ate so many of those coconut curries that I might take a break for that for a while. So I really don't have a favorite food. It's really kind of; “What is interesting to me at the time?” and that's the same with music. I could never give you a favorite song because last month it was “Sapling” by Foy Vance. Hands down, I could not get enough of that song. Played it every day, many times a day. I still love that song but I'm taking a break from it because I do overdo things sometimes. So my favorite food right now? I think I'd like a pizza, that's only because I haven't had pizza in a couple weeks.

Yeah I eat everything I'm very adventurous in my food tastes, I love to try new things I always order things that I've never had before when I can. I happen to have an allergy to avocado which is frustrating because I love sushi. I love sushi. I can have sushi almost every day of the week, but recently avocado has made its way into sushi in a very big way and so I frequently have to search on the menu to find the one or two sushi rolls that don't contain avocado. First world problems I know.

 I couldn't name a favorite cuisine or even a favorite national cuisine. I love food, I love to eat, however I'm very much in the moment. What do I feel like right now? That will be my favorite thing.

 Another question that I got recently, and I've had this question a lot is:

“Are you okay with gay fans?”

 Absolutely. I don't have any prejudice in that manner. I welcome my gay fans, I welcome all of my fans. That's not something that bothers me at all and I do have a lot of gay fans. I have a lot of people that write me and sometimes they're very hesitant about writing me, and they'll kind of apologize in advance that you know “I'm so sorry that I'm gay is it okay if I write you?”  and I have other gay fans that just assume they're going to be welcome and start flirting right away, and I'm fine with both of them. It doesn't bother me in any way shape or form. I'm not gay so unfortunately all the offers and requests that I have to do gay porn or to meet these individuals privately, you know, my sexual tastes don't go that direction. I wish they did, I could make a fortune apparently, but I like what I like and none of us make that choice. But as far as being welcoming and open and accepting, absolutely. I've always wanted this to be an accepting channel I've always been open to my gay fans and feel free to write me feel just as comfortable as anybody else would. I ask that you be polite, just like I would ask any of my fans to be. Sometimes people can be very very pushy, and that's male or female, but yeah write me, ask questions, talk to me I'm more than happy to welcome my gay fans.

 I actually do have a bunch more questions but I'm going to save them for a rainy day as you guys really reached out last week and I appreciate that. I love it when you guys send me mail and when you send me messages and questions. That's part of the job that I really enjoy.

 For a Wicked Ways Studios business update; I'm still kind of in limbo with Xhamster about those videos. They, as I've said before, they're never quick about getting back to me, and they are staying true to form with this one. I got a notice from them recently saying that the model in the video now “isn't one of my verified models” which she is, and I have several other videos with her up under that verification, so I don't know what's going on and when I write to them I know I won't hear back from them for a week. So this ongoing weekly saga you've been getting in installments will continue for at least another week because right now I don't know.

 It is what it is. There's no other real news, I'm still maintaining and I've actually upped my pace on this move and I hope to be moving within the month so as I really get into this I might do some audio only podcasts because it can be very difficult to set up all the video, especially if I have a room full of boxes. So I will keep trying to put out podcasts each week, they may or may not have video, you may just have a picture of my face here. For you podcast listeners it won't be any change, for you Youtube subscribers, consider the podcast or just look on Youtube and they'll just be a picture of the Wicked Ways Crop Logo and the audio underneath it. Not sure on that yet but be aware that I will continue to put them out but they may not be audio and visual.

 As I teased at the beginning of the episode I have some Patreon news and that is I've established a tier system. Unfortunately Patreon does not let the creators plug their patrons into a tier, which I can understand. You wouldn't want to be a ten dollar patron getting pushed up to a twenty dollar patron. But if you're a ten dollar patron and there's a ten dollar tier, I do feel like the creator should be able to laterally put you into that tier. But since I can't do that, if you are one of my Patreon subscribers you have to go into your account, and you'll see a message from me explaining all this, but you have to select a tier that corresponds with the donation amount you want to do. For all of my patrons that have done this already I really appreciate it. It makes it very easy for me to know what additional benefits you get by being in that tier. Some of you upped your donations and I really appreciate that, this was not necessarily a ploy to get people to up their donations, (it's a ploy for new people coming into my Patreon to select a donation that makes them feel comfortable with the rewards they get for it) so I really appreciate you that have gone over and done that. If you're one of my current contributors, select a tier and get plugged in there so that I can start giving you the benefits that I would love to do.

 I will be putting out more and more Patreon stuff as I get a better feeling for that site. I'm starting to understand some things that people want and that people enjoy. I do recipes over there, I'm gonna start doing a weekly “Wicked's Fireside Chat” at one of the tiers, I haven't decided which tier that's going to start at, but that's going to be just an informal kind of update on what I'm doing and what I'm thinking about outside of this podcast. So if that's something that might be interesting to you consider a Patreon pledge. I post videos there, I post pictures there, I do behind the scenes stuff. 

When I was establishing the tier system I thought about it the same way that I donate to other patrons, because I do support a couple people on Patreon, and I do it not necessarily because I get anything back from it. So like the two podcasts that I support, I support them because I listen every single week and I feel good about giving them a couple bucks a month for that service, and I don't necessarily have any interest in what I get back from that. I'm sure that for a lot of my patrons, they feel the same way. They enjoy this service and they want to help contribute and keep it running, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that. As far as the tiering and the rewards go that's just a fun thing that I want to give you guys where there's certain tiers where for example you get a phone call with me or there's certain tiers where you get something that I've made and i'll send to you. That's just my way of saying “Hey I appreciate it, I thank you for what you're doing, here's a small token of that thanks.”

 So if that's something that you might be interested in go to my website www.wickedfellow.com click the Patreon link and away you go.

 (You can't find me by going to Patreon by itself because I'm an adult creator. Patreon has ghettoized us adult creators, they're welcome to have us and they're welcome to take our money but they don't want to advertise us... so if you search on Patreon for my account you won't find it but if you go to my website there's a direct link to it.)

For all of you out there, every single person listening, or watching this podcast, I appreciate this. I really appreciate the feedback I get from you guys, and the opportunity I have to reach out to you like this every week. I look forward to these, I enjoy making these podcasts, and I'm going to keep making them. Hopefully they'll just continue to improve as I get better at making these and as I understand better what you're looking for in these podcasts so that feedback is super important. As always; consent is king, take very good care of each other, and I'll see you next week.

 [Music]