Wicked Wednesdays No 18 “BDSM 101 Part 6 Tame me, Service and Slave Submissives”

Welcome to “Wicked Wednesdays” a weekly podcast about my experience as an amateur porn actor and producer. I’ll be sharing my insights into the process of making porn, how we got started and lots of candid talk about sex and and relationships with and emphasis BDSM, Kink and Polyamorous Relationships. Obviously this will not be a kid safe podcast, so discretion is advised.

In this episode I continue our BDSM 101 series and talk about Tame me, Service and Slave submissive styles. I also give a business update and offer some advice about diversifying your revenue stream if you are an online creator.

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Episode 18 Show Notes

“Tame-me”

As I’ve been discussing the submissive types I wanted to add that I feel there are two main categories, “cooperative and uncooperative”, “Tame-me” subs fall in the uncooperative or antagonist submissive category along with Brats and SAMs.

A Tame-me submissive wants to submit and follow a dominant but they want to feel like the dominant has earned that submission. Tame me subs tend to be more Alpha in their day to day life, often quite, or completely, independent. 

They have a good internal locus of control and do well on their own, but there is a part of them that craves the feeling and release of being dominated, at least in part of their lives.  Many switches fall into this category.

I haven't mentioned switches much as I want to devote an episode to the phenomenon. Tame me subs may want to test the patients and will power of their dominant, they may misbehave or otherwise act out in the same way a brat would however tame me subs aren't necessarily doing it for the thrill of getting a reaction and being punished but more from a desire to make their Dominant work for the privilege of their submission. They have a high sense of self worth and want to feel valued and cherished by their dominant feelings, a feeling not uncommon among all submissive types but especially prevalent in Tame-me subs. 

Once that submission is earned, tame-me subs tend to relax into a more traditional D/s dynamic and don't continue to constantly test their limits as a Brat or SAM would. Some Tame me subs lose interest once they have been tamed and seek out a new Dominant to test. 

Tame me subs are sometimes interested in CNC and other types of rough play, and part of that “Tame me” spirit is a need to feel physically dominated. They would not feel fulfilled submitting to a partner who they could physically overpower for example, however this is not universal and some Tame-me subs do not enjoy rough play at all.  (CNC means consensual non-consent which we will cover in more detail soon) 

Service Submissives 

Service submissves fall into the cooperative type, and may be an aspect of Good Boy/Girl submissive types. Service subs really enjoy being of use, often in domestic capacities. While you may punish a brat by making them mop the kitchen floor, this would be a reward to a Service sub and not letting them do it may be a seen as a punishment.

While Domestic service is a popular genre of service submissive it can be any type of service to a dominant figure, they like being assigned tasks and importantly they like feeling appreciated for those tasks. 

As with most submissives, feeling that their service is not appreciated can be very wounding to service submissives. In the domestic roll often service subs enjoy playing a bit of dress up, wearing a maids outfit or a 50’s house wife dress is not uncommon. It’s all part of the play. 

In relationship dynamics they may want to feel like the classic homemaker, ready with dinner when their Dominant gets home from work, or it may be a special and episodic thing where once a month they arrive at their Dominants house to cook and clean all day while being watched over and appreciated. 

As always there are lots of ways to play. Some Service submissives have a humiliation fetish as well, and some do not. For those that do, they may want to feel degraded while they are in service, to a lesser or greater degree and that is fulfilling to them. For others they want to be praised and treated kindly. It is highly individual. 

On the subject of Degradation… 

Slaves 

I am all too aware that slave is a loaded term, and perhaps it is time to retire it and develop a new term for this type of submissive. However for this series I would be remiss in not talking about this role as it is a classic and much practiced facet of our lifestyle. 

Slave will have different meanings depending on who you ask, but I think I can address some common traits. Slaves seek complete domination, either in relationship or episodic play settings. The boundaries of that complete domination will vary from person to person, but it is not uncommon for a Dom to have absolute authority and control over a slave. 

While I frequently talk about boundaries and the importance of communicating those boundaries between Dom and sub, slave play is one of the types where having no boundaries is a large part of the thrill.

It may be deeply fulfilling to the slave type submissive that there is no limit to what their Dom can demand of them. They don't want to be able to say no, and they may refuse to establish boundaries because that would diminish the play for them. 

Often slave submissives are into humiliation and degradation play, however this is not universal. . What is more common is a desire to completely submit to their Dominant, and whatever they desire. So while they themselves may not need degradation to feel fulfilled if it pleases their dominant they will gladly submit to it, and anything else their dominant desires. Pushing submission to its extremes is what slave play is all about. A slave would not necessarily be satisfied if their dominant wasn't pushing their limits in play.  

24/7 D/s slave relationships are not unheard of but I find it tends to be more of an episodic style of play. It can be exhausting for both the Dom and sub to try and maintain the intensity of a Dom slave relationship for extended periods of time. For some D/s pairs they may have a slave relationship, but that is dialed back for day to day life and they only play hard occasionally. Some slaves are fulfilled by being in a D/slave relationship and just knowing that at anytime their Dom may choose to asum complete control over them, however if that is not made a reality periodically the thrill may soon fade. 

Frequently in D/slave relationships while the slave is in service or in session they have no autonomy what-so-ever. They may not move, sleep, eat, or take any action of their own accord but must await the direction of their Dominant or master. In the degradation line a slave may be kept caged for periods for the day, and is often made to sleep in a cage at night. It's important to point out again that this type of treatment is sought out by the submissive and when done well is deeply fulfilling to them. Collars, chains, cuffs, and other restraints are frequently used in slave play. For some slaves, especially ones with a kink for degradation, they want to be treated as an object, a thing, a piece of furniture, or a sex toy. As I mentioned, slave play is usually episodic as one of the aspects that make it thrilling for Dom and sub alike is the stark contrast between slave play and regular day to day life. This kind of play is deeply fulfilling for some people and it should be appreciated and respected whether it is your thing or not.